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Thursday, July 27, 2006
It's not easy... And i'm not a superwoman...>
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
I'm just out to find
The better part of me
I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
It's not easy to be me
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see
It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed, but won't you conceed
Even Heroes have the right to dream
Its not easy to be me
Up, up and away, away from me
Its all right, You can all sleep sound tonight
Im not crazy...or anything
I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees
I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
It's not easy to be me.
The music that describes my feeling rite now...
I'm totally furious with my dad right now. But i cant do anything about it. I cant vent it out on him except to look at him angrily in disapproval. Telling my mum is no point because she will just scream about it and it wont help to solve my problem. What happen was... I've been forgetting to collect his POSB atm card from him after settling his bills. I thought i could trust him to let me know first before he withdraw the money. Oh ya... he withdraw money like nobody's business i tell you. And he expects me to do all the accounting for HIM. FUCKING HELL MAN! Time and time again... he disappoints me. I couldn't stand! How can I be so stupid! I finally took back the atm card... finding a way of how not to let him get it again. No... from now on... i'll use a chequebook!
He told me he withdrew $950 to pay back his friend the amount borrowed last year to save the shop. Out of all mths, WHY NOW? This mth, i already have problems with the fucking cashflow because we bought a new refrigerator for the shop. And time and time again, he failed to at least have to policy of leaving me a note before he withdrew. He told me he didn't mention it to me earlier because he doesnt want my grandmother to know. I'm furious mad! MAD MAD MAD! I feel like beating him up with my own bare hands! But I've been acting cool... Well... I always act cool, dont I? That is why no one is afraid of me. I've been suppressing all my anger until one day i had too much of it and got depressed out of the blue and start crying out. Yeah... i'm crying rite now but i'll be okay in awhile. Suppose to sort out my dad's accounting things today but i'm too angry to do any. Maybe i should tell my grandmother, and let her do all the scolding and enjoy my revenge. Then he would realise, there is no point doing things behind my granny's back. Because i have this BIG mouth which he cant trust. And the fact that he cant hide any financial stuff away from the family anymore. Yeah.. I'll do that...
Today was suppose to be a great day. No work bcoz boss's mum passed away. For me to settle my personal stuff and his stuff. But i cant do it. Just not in the mood for anything all bcoz of Dad. Suppose to have tuition later... Boy... I wish i could cancel that one as well... On a 2nd thought, maybe i should just go out and teach to take my mind off these things and anger. Anyway, mum steamed some red bean bun and buttered corn for lunch. Yum... I love it... Thanks...
Daddy ever worried for me about having debit cards and stuff. Well, at least i'm not like him. Taking out money like no one's business. And i know how to manage my money fantastically better than him. Ha!
