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Thursday, May 22, 2008
Great Netball practice ppl!!!>
I truly enjoyed myself today. I studied in the morning till abt 2pm. After that, I meet up with my sister at a bus stop near century square. And then, we took bus 27 to make our way to changi airport. I've promised my sister that one day, I'll treat her to TCC. She never been to Popeye before too. Her birthday is round the corner, actually it's next thursday. So i decided to give her a birthday treat to these two places. I doubt i'll have the mood to celebrate her birthday next week. So I decided to bring forward the celebration to today.
By the time we reached changi airport T3, it was already 4.30pm. Although we were famished, we knew that the servings of one popeye meal is too filling for us individually. Bearing in mind that we need to reserve some space in our tummy for desserts in TCC later, my sister and I decided to share the 2 pc chicken meal with an extra side dish. So we had 2 pieces of chicken (one for each of us), one regular side dish: cajun fries, one biscuit and the additional side dish: mashed potatoes. I wanted to order coleslaw too but it wasn't available. Bleargh... But it's okay. My sister finds that the cajun fries taste like those A&W curly fries. She agrees that the mashed potatoes taste delicious! It tastes so good that she took a few spoonful scoops of it. Amazing! Amazing because she wasn't too keen about the mashed potatoes initially. We even finish up the biscuits with the jam that they provided. Mmmm.... Yummy!!!
After we clean our plates except for the chicken bones(LICIN!), we walk around T3 a bit. At about 5.15pm, we decided that it's time for us to have our desserts at TCC. My sister was spoilt for choices when she was looking through the drinks menu. There isn't much choice needed to be made for dessert. I've already decided that she must try Dark Devotion. It was recommended to me by my friend, Misha. The cake is superb dearie. The credit should goes out to you. Anyway, you and your family are great at noticing good food from different places. Although, your house itself have incredibly good food. Whether it's your mum's cooking or buy from outside.
For those who have no idea what Dark Devotion is, i shall post the picture one day. My sister took pic of it before she savour the taste. I've already decided on Mocha latte. I wanted to try something new initially but eventually i drop the idea. I didnt tell my sister i've made my choice. After she had decided what drink she wants, i was surprised to know that she chose Mocha latte too. Deep in my heart, I thought to myself, "This is funny coz Misha and I ordered 2 Mocha latte and 1 Dark Devotion too the last time we came here." When our Mocha latte arrived, my sister took pictures of it. As though it is an object from the museum. My sister truly enjoyed the Dark Devotion. I let her have most of the cake since it's her birthday treat after all.
After that, we meet up with a couple of my srjc-ian friends at kallang mrt station before i brought them to Kallang Netball Centre. Today's turn out was great! We have 12 members altogether. Even though the court was flooded by the rain around 7pm, we played pretty darn good game. We start out with some warm up. Followed by some essential training. Then we were splited into 2 teams. Our coach asked ask who never played netball before. I raised my hand. Actually, i played before but it has only been twice since my company starts this netball activity. So i just want to be safe. My sister gave me that dubious look and said, "Selenger larh you, you really never play before arh?" I simply told her that I still dont really know the rules. My sister is on the opponent team. How sway is that? She was teasing me in the field. While playing, she called me names like babatz, fatso, shortie. My colleagues are surprised i think. How come i wasn't mad by her behaviour. Well, that is how things are at home. We teased each other meanly for the fun of it. She is not the only one who does that to me. Even Misha did that too. And my self-esteem is too high to be bothered by small little things like that.
Other than name calling, kaoz... she really attacked me in the field till i fell down. There's a small scratch on my knee now. Damn!!! Anyway, we ran a lot till i feel that my heart cant take it anymore. I even felt like dying a bit, catching out of breath with my heart thumping damn loudly in my chest. How sucks can my stamina be? Other than that, sometimes being myself worries me. Worried about if i had offend others because i'm quite straight-forward. Most people are not like me who simply blast right at you what they dont like abt you. I rather people be honest with me than hiding things from me. Dont know about the rest, but I'm glad and thank god that i have bestiez who are honest with me.
After netball, Shar's dad send us home. Thanks girl and your dad. I drank a lot of water but i'm still so thirsty. Feeling dehydrated. My sister checked her weight and realised that she has gain 1kg. Then she go around saying, "Didi... It's all your fault... I gain 1 kg." My mum totally rolled her eyes and say, "Alah... baru 1kg." Haiya, i only gave you a birthday treat today. Followed by some netball exercise. How about my weight? Haha... Maintain aje! Although I ate a little bit more than her, my weight do not increase. I'm only 0.5kg more than my sister. Ahakz... I'm slim now but I need to reshape parts of my body. I want slimmer legs, firmer butt and less flabbier arms. Haiz... Talking about insecurities...
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Perhaps I'm born evil....>
I have to admit that I can be truly hurt when people hide things from me. They say... what she doesn't know, wont hurt her. Yes... but what happen when she found out about it and felt betrayed. What if one day, you realised that you cant keep it away from her anymore. You need someone to blurt it out to. Then you start spilling the beans happily and hoping that she would feel happy for you and be happy with you. Haiz... I guess things just dont happen that way for me. Although, I am very much happy for you.
I blasted at him for you in the hope that things will be straighten out and the two of you would get back and things would be happy ever after. Unfortunately, the guy have to get so damn psychotic and keep saying that i've intruded his privacy. Well... My Ass!! I dont think i've intruded anyone's privacy just by asking a guy why is he avoiding a girl. He is so fucking full of crapz. Then he keeps bragging about his so called 'freedom of speech'. Honestly, it is more like he wants to have a revenge. Because he doesn't even know me at all but would very much like to attack me, so he simply attack me anyhow. Trying to hurt my feelings. Does it work? Obviously NOT! So you asked me to delete and blocked him on msn. Simply give in to him... let him says whatever he wants. Let him have his ego. Well, what about my ego? Why do you allow your boyfie to keep his ego and you dont allow me to have my ego? Why? Because he have a DICK and i dont? Honestly, it's not fair that you allow him to think that i've chickened out away from him. For that, I only have one condition... just keep him away from me.
I had a feeling that you went out with him that wednesday. He asked you to keep it away from me. I know you tried to hint to me but dont know how to. Well, cant you fight it out abt why must both of you hide something like that away from me. It's just a meet-up! No wonder he felt he got some advantage over me. Seeing you crying... saying that i'm the one who hurt you. Whereas he doesn't want to admit that he bloody hell hurts you too!!! Thinking that it is all over between the two of you, I simply let him go.
Weeks later, when things cooled off... You showed me your Ipod. Although you have been telling me, "Haiya... I can save up and buy for myself... the gift is not important", I knew the Ipod is from him! But you told me that you bought it yourself! And also abt what he commented abt ur msn nick when you put sentence from My Immortal. I knew it is something of recently. But no... you said something from long ago... You put me under the impression that both of you havent been chatting with one another. You never dare to reveal everything to me till you are very sure that i'm out of his grasp? Then you start telling me that both of you met that wednesday? Haiz... I simply told myself, benda sudah lepas. Nak buat aper sey... It's okay.
Then on Monday night, while i take a break from studying. You decided to msg me. You start to tell me about you still keep in touch with Hanz. And that the both of you have been chatting, planned to meet up and stuff. Then you go into the elaborated details about how he touched your heart. I was totally rolling my eyes and soo... not interested to know. I truly wonder, after keeping everything away from me for so long, how come suddenly you decide to tell me all these. I tried to cut the story short but you said that you belum habis cakap. Now you know why i dont allow you to habis cakap. Coz I was already fuming. You were too long-winded and i was running out of patience and time. The way your conversations about me between you and him are just not good enough. There are still things that he ought to know like you make me delete and blocked him?!?! You never tell him that, dont you? You can tell him somemore that, "Shida dont go looking for me" I think he must be gloating and feel fabulous about himself upon knowing i hadn't been a good friend. Of course, you did emphasize that you wouldn't leave me for him. For that, i'm honoured. Well, even if you do tell him that now... I think there is no point. At this moment rite now, it's like the song that goes... It's too late to apologize... if things are regarding Hanz. Due to all the things above and thanks to you... I HATE HIM. I really HATE HATE HATE him SO MUCH!
Dont tell me..."Please dont hate him". Well, okay I wont hate him. But do me a favour, I want him to be NON-EXISTENT. Initially, you let things flow according to your terms. Allowing him to be non-existent. Well, I want you to keep things that way but this time, it's on my term. I'm glad you guys still keep in touch but just dont let me hear ANYTHING abt it. Coz honestly, I dont want to know. It's better this way. You happy. I happy. Nope nope... I dont even want to hear, "I miss Hanz". Coz i can slammed back at you... "If you miss your boyfie, give him a call then, rite NOW!" Putting you out of misery of missing him and me out of misery of listening it. Pretty rational solution, dont you think?
I know whatever i say on Sunday hurts you and everything you read here would hurt you as well. Then, you would go and say, "I know i dont deserve to be happy" And that heightened my temper even more. Feels like taking a vase and smash it over your head, hoping that the impact would knock some sense into you. When i ask you to define happiness, you simply couldn't answer? People out there, please answer my qn. Is happiness suppose to be an absolute factor or a dependent factor? Perhaps you should really start to read self-help books such as Chicken Soup for the Soul. Dont go... "You have no idea what i've been through". Yeah, I dont! Hence perhaps you should read through these books coz it tells you abt what others' have been through and the lessons you can learn from it. Initially I tot that book is just full of crap. Teaching me things i already knew. But now i can see why such books are essential after all. And i'm serious!
I was so mad that i need to sleep the anger off before I can look through my notes again. Thank you so much! After reading this, telling Hanz about how i hurt you now would definitely make him so delighted! Dont worry... My approval of Hanz is not important. What i think abt him now, doesnt matter. You deserve to be happy with whoever you want to be. What is most important is that you are able to gain his parents approval and he be able to gain your son's approval and both of you can be together forever. Insya allah... Kalau ada jodoh, dia takkan kemana. Cuma dier buat darah Shida boil aje. Not because of all the above, but also by his lunatic mentality. No, i'm not being bias. Even if it wasn't for the fact that he had hurt you, I still think he is a weird and a lunatic who thinks he is smart and experienced but he is NOT. Keep us separated and you'll be fine. I dont have to know the details abt him. And i'm sure that is what he wants too.
I have to admit that i do have something against the JERKS from Tagged. But I DO NOT have something against guys in general. So it's also NOT FAIR that both of you agreed on the fact that I have problems against guys. What the hell? If i do, i wont have great guyfriends like Shahid, Hariz, Daniel, Tian Tian, Justin and Khai. Why cant all the guys in the world be as decent as these guys I mentioned? Shankeri dearie... I miss Khai so much. He is currently working as an IT guy in some sec sch. Forgot which sch but for a diploma, he got quite a good starting pay. Man... When is your last day of work? We should soo... meet up with that guy one day.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Outta my head~>
Okiez... Revision for ISORG seems to be going along fine for now. Somehow, the feelings of loneliness fade. Now, all i want to do is fully focus on my studies and insya allah, clear my exams.
My dear Bariah... It's been so long since i last met you. Hmmm... I haven't seen you in decades! We should totally meet up one day and catch up with one another. My dearie Shankeri... I'm sorry if you are sick of listening about all this boys and studies complaining. Yes... I agree with you that life is so much more than just abt studies and boys. But i cant help it rite now... My life right now is just about exams. Bare with me for a couple of weeks, okay? After 10 June... I shall stop bickering. I really do hope you can work things out and achieve your dream of studying overseas. I know how it feels like... Coz i am trying to reach my 12 yr old dream of getting my degree. I'm so going to miss you when you move to Perth.
As i grew up, everywhere i turn to... It seems like everyone is obsessed abt losing weight. Haiz... Honestly, it's been getting on my nerves. Firstly, do you want to lose weight because you think you look more attractive if you are slimmer? Or issit because you want to be healthier? Honestly, I hope it is more for the latter reason. I'm not fat! In fact, i'm perfectly in my normal acceptable range now. My weight is only 53 kg. In comparison to my height, I can be considered as slim. Yes, i do have babatz everywhere in my body. And you know what... there was once upon a time i felt so comfortable with it. When i was in SRJC, I was always 54kg or 55 kg. What's wrong with little fats here and there? Do i have to be excessive skinny like those stick supermodels or like all those stick cina's body around us... and then i can consider myself as slim? What the hell?
Relatively compared to a lot of you out there, I slim down very very easily. Nope... Not through totally not eating but eating in moderation. Price of rice has gone up! So hey, it's the best time to cut down on rice a bit. Totally stay away from snacks like potato chips. Because eating salty food increases the water retention in your body which makes you look FAT! I need to eat chocolates to calm my nerves as i study. However, it has to be limited! Not because of weight problems. But i got two hideous pimples now!! And last but not least, EXERCISE!!!! So proud of Kak Ros. She slimmed down through swimming, playing badminton, go gym and play netball with CMA. I joined the netball too. It's every Thursday evening at Netball Centre in Kallang. Eh Bariah, you nak join tak? It's fun i tell you. Please dont laugh, I know Shida is hopeless in netball. But who cares... they arent professionals and we are just playing for fun! So people... Please open up and start to learn new things. Explore every sport although you may suck at it. As they always say, you are never too old to take on something new and all the things you want to do. Life is short btw.
Does being perfectly skinny and wearing S size clothes means you are gorgeous and beautiful? Please larhz... Hollywood stars like Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez are gorgeous even though they dont have the stick thin body. It's totally how you carry yourself across as a confident and beautiful young woman. Only shallow ppl judge you by the perfections of your body. As humans, i think we should assess people more for their character and not body. So stop saying that you think you are not beautiful just because you are F-A-T.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Cause I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies>
Okie... Let me officially post my first blog for this year 2008. Dont know why it have to start from May... Hehez...
Oh well... A lot of things have been going on since last year. Unlike most girls, i dont blog about boys or my love towards a certain someone. Reason being, these are the things i would rather keep in private and not meant for the entire world to know.
First and formost, Thank you so much Kak Nora for bringing me out today and listening to my crapz. I know you must have felt like taking a vase and simply crash it on my head hoping i'm talking some sense again.
Well, let me annoy you some more... I seriously dont know what came over me during the weekends. I suddenly feel damn restless. Dont know what to do with myself. I felt damn lonely. Feels like there are no one who is able to comprehend me. Seems like everyone is ignoring me. Feels as though i'm missing out on something. I got pissed and paranoid over everything. Everything just dont go with me. Like aaarrggghhh... I'm going crazy! Maybe you should just send me to IMH.
Although i'm not supposed to, i seriously do miss Iguana a lot. No one have any idea how much i want to call him and have a proper talk with him and hope everything is back to the old times. But like they say, "Nasi sudah menjadi bubur". I cant reverse it and pretend everything didnt happen. He must be angry with me for the things that I did. And I cant deny that i'm still angry with him for the things that he did. I still dont understand up till this day, why does he have to lie to me? Why couldn't he just be honest with me? It still hurts like hell the fact he dont even consider me as a friend. Evidence? He even deleted me off his msn and blocked me. He must have thought that i'm some kind of a snobbish, educated, "ya-ya" girl. I know this is very stupid of me, but once in awhile I do cry over him. Haiz... It's no point, Shida. Get over it! Kak Nora, please dont encourage the feeling of 'it's okay for me to miss him'. It's just sooo wrong!! So so wrong!!! It is not worth it to cry over him. But thanks for updating me about him. It's good to hear that he is doing fine.
At the moment, I'm damn stress for my final year exams. First exam, next wednesday 14th May! Financial Reporting! So many things to look through. So many things to memorise! Aaargghhh!!!!
